I’ve got nothing.

Content/tw: death mention, suicidal ideation, money Carrie would have been 61 today. I’m a wreck. There’s a lot going on in my personal life, including being out of work, bills piling up (here’s my YouCaring if you can help https://www.youcaring.com/maralee-938599), and shit happening between me and my abuser. I was going to use today’s entry…

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“I’m Triggered!”

Content/trigger warning: descriptions of ableism, cursing No. Actually, I’m not. I’m fucking furious.  Or maybe I am triggered, as in the symptoms of my illness have been exacerbated by an external stimulus, because unchecked rage is a rare symptom of PTSD, but oh do I have that symptom. It’s time to talk about ableism in…

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I Made a Thing

Content/trigger warning: suicidal ideation mention This is what my life is like. Image description: a Venn diagram of five mental illnesses: BPD, CPTSD, OSDD, depression, and anxiety. The mental illnesses’ circles contain the following: BPD: Unstable sense of self CPTSD: Flashbacks OSDD: One step away from having alters Depression: Suicidality Anxiety: Everything is scary The…

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Too out of spoons for titles

Content/trigger warning: abuse mention, disordered eating, money, death mention, reclaimed slur, cursing I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. For personal reasons I can’t go into right now, my CPTSD has been having a motherfucking field day. So much hypervigilance, so many nightmares, and even flashbacks, which my antipsychotic has failed to keep at bay. (Fortunately…

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Time Won’t Heal This Damage Anymore

Content/trigger warning: disordered eating, self-harm, discussion of suicide Today’s entry is primarily inspired by Chester Bennington’s death, and as such, I will be covering suicidal ideation and the ableism inherent in mocking music that expresses feelings of angst or anguish. I know about self-harm, self-hatred, and suicidal ideation. I’ve experienced all three thanks to my…

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“Scary” Mental Illnesses

Trigger warning: sexual abuse mention, emotional abuse mention, reclaimed slur On several occasions, especially when trying to hammer home the point that no mental illness makes a person evil, I have referred to “scary” mental illnesses. I feel like I should spell out what I mean by that. On one level, a “scary” mental illness is…

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